Locked. Out.
This post is fresh. My clothes are still tumbling dry in the basement. You see, moments ago I went downstairs to throw three loads of laundry into the washer. When I came back up, I was locked out of the apartment. No keys. No cell phone. The building manager not answering his door.Having no option except that afforded me by a pocketful of quarters, I went in search of a phone booth. Phone booth? When was the last time anyone ever used a phone booth? Luckily, it was only a few blocks before I found one. Gasp! Who knew local calls cost .50? The phone company generously states that I can call for as long as I want with that .50. Well all I needed was for Van to answer his cell phone. Which he doesn't do, of course, because he is at work.
Happily, Van only works four blocks away from our apartment. Unhappily, he works on the designer collection men's floor of Macy's, and here I am in a blousey shirt, sweat pants, and flip flops. I walk embarrassed into Walgreens before I set about facing the real challenge. Happily, at Walgreens, nobody pays attention to me in my house clothes. Clothes that only moments would have caused me embarrasment if even the neighbors had seen me in them. But then I realize I can't buy anything because I don't have my wallet.
So Walgreens. Nobody gawked like I expected. As I get closer to Union Square, people start to glance at me. "I can do this," I tell myself. I get to Macy's and walk through the front door practically to gasps from people shopping near the entrance. I get on the escalator and I am looked up and down like I have just been loosed from prison.
I walk humiliated onto the men's designer collection floor, cursing. Remembering suddenly that I'm not wearing underwear. Van doesn't blink. He takes me downstairs like a good husband, gives me the keys, and makes sure I'll be here when he gets home so I can let him in. He loves me. He really loves me.
As I leave the building even the security guard says a straight-faced, flat, I-sense-a-bit-startled "hello." He usually smiles and says "thank you" like I'm the shopper of the month.
posted by Jay @ 6:16 PM
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